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5 Reasons why you shouldn’t spank your kid

Researchers have looked more closely at spanking, and their conclusions match what I’ve known all along: Hitting children undermines their well-being and damages them. Spanking also increases aggression in children. By spanking a child, you are creating a child full of anger — an unhappy child.

t Do you spank your children? I don’t mean to ask whether you beat them, but do you ever discipline by hitting your child on the bottom with an open hand? I do not. I’m not judging you if you do. Well, maybe I am. I don’t because I was spanked as a child and I know it doesn’t work, and I also know that it is a very slippery slope from a tap on the butt to a full-on beating. I’ve experienced both — and neither accomplished what it set out to do.

t When I was a child, spanking was very common. I’m sure many of you reading this piece were spanked at one time or another. Did it kill us? Probably not, though there are certainly children who have died as the result of spankings that got out of control. Did it damage us? In many cases, yes, it did.

t Researchers have looked more closely at spanking, and their conclusions match what I’ve known all along: Hitting children undermines their well-being and damages them. Spanking also increases aggression in children. By spanking a child, you are creating a child full of anger — an unhappy child. I don’t think any parent purposely wants to be the cause of his or her child’s unhappiness.

t Here are five reasons why you should not be spanking your kids.

Spanking is not positive discipline

t For spanking to work at all, it has to be done immediately and be accompanied by an explanation so that the child understands that the spanking is a consequence of his or her bad behavior. In my house, my mom always said, “Wait until your father gets home!” Hours later, we received a spanking. It made no sense. It just felt like being hit. The correlation between the spanking and the action that warranted it was lost.

Spanking destroys trust and the parent-child relationship

t It destroys the influence you have over your children because they lose respect for you. I began to feel like my dad was a loose cannon who could hit me at any time for no reason. This feeling causes a child to be more aggressive. It causes a child to lie to avoid being hit because if he is hit hard enough, there is not much that he wouldn’t do to stop the hitting.

Spanking makes a child feel helpless and damages self-esteem

t It’s hard to feel like you have any control when you are told that if you don’t stop crying, you will be hit again. It makes a child ask, “What is wrong with me?” It’s hard to feel loved or have any self-worth when even your cries for help are demeaned by the person who is supposed to unconditionally love and protect you. It’s a betrayal.

Children can’t learn a lesson when they are terrified

t If a child is afraid of being spanked, the fight-or-flight response kicks in, and the only concern he has is to protect himself — to survive. Whatever lesson you are trying to teach him is not being heard.

Spanking can increase the likelihood of developing mental health issues

t I find this to be particularly scary. According to a new study, links have been found between a higher frequency of spanking and having a mental health diagnosis later in life. There is a direct correlation between active mental illness and traumatic experiences.

t These are just a few reasons why I don’t spank and you shouldn’t either. There are better ways to discipline our children. If you feel like you must spank, please be sure to count to ten and take a deep breath or just walk away.

t Why do you think spanking is or isn’t acceptable discipline?

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5 Reasons Why You Shouldn’t Always Just Quit a Job You Hate

There are some days when a day at work can feel like a prison sentence with an extra dose of torture thrown in. Your boss is cranky, some of your colleagues are acting like jerks and you have no idea how you will ever finish the growing pile of work that’s accumulating on your desk. The temptation to walk out for good and quit a job you hate can be overwhelming. Indeed it has led to many spur-of-the-moment resignations by people all over the world.

But is it wise to just quit? As ideal as it might seem in the heat of the moment, it might be useful to consider these five reasons before you throw in the towel.

1. Quitting your job without having anything else lined up can put you into panic mode.

This is hardly a helpful state to be in if you’re starting your own business or looking for another job. Potential clients and new employers alike will smell desperation a mile away and chances are, they will be put off by it. Wait until your side business is earning enough to pay your rent and bills, or until you have a new job offer, and you’ll be in a much better place to ditch your current job.

2. You might be quitting for the wrong reasons.

I remember being tempted to quit a great job because I couldn’t stand a colleague I worked with. After a huge argument I sat at my desk and wrote my letter of resignation. Luckily I waited to calm down before I handed it in. I soon realised that it would be a huge mistake to resign. I loved my job, I was learning lots and had I quit I would have missed out on some great experience-building. When I realised this I made an effort to improve the relationship with my colleague and chose projects that meant I had very little to do with her (just to be on the safe side).

Before you hand in that letter, ask yourself: Is it the whole job or just a particular aspect of it that’s making you unhappy? Can it be changed? Who can help you change it?

3. You could miss out on some great learning opportunities.

Being a little more strategic about your departure can set you up for a great next move.

The minute you realise you want to leave your job, spend some time thinking about what you’d like to do next. What kind of skills and experience does your planned next step require? Can you start building this experience at your current job? Are there any courses that your current employer offers that could prove beneficial for your future? Is there a particular company you’d like to work with? Can you start creating some connections now?

Work on building the skills and connections you’ll need for the future and those few extra months you spend in your job will be very worthwhile.

4. Some of the toughest challenges will become the highlights of your career.

If you’re thinking of quitting your job because it feels too hard … STOP. Often when we’re in the middle of something that takes us out of our comfort zone, it can feel very uncomfortable. While our natural reaction is to escape, it may not always be the wisest one. The first time I ran a training course for a group of people I nearly fainted with fear. It left me thinking that this job was not for me, that it was too hard. I stuck it out because I knew it was what I wanted to do. Twelve years later, I now train trainers and run workshops all over the world. Had I given up at that first hurdle my life would look very different to what it does now.

Think about these questions to decide whether this challenge is worth sticking around for. Are you more capable of dealing with this than you were a week ago? Can you get more training and support to help you cope better? Are you learning useful skills? If the answer to any of these is YES, then you might benefit from staying around a little longer.

5. Your current job can develop a key element of success.

Science shows that one of the best predictors of success in life is your level of resilience. That is, how capable you are of rising above the tough challenges that life throws at you. Resilience also tends to work like a muscle, in that it gets stronger the more we use it.

Can you use this job to learn how to deal with adversity? Will the experience make you stronger in the end? If so, how can you use the experience to build your resilience muscle?

While there are many valid reasons to stick to your job right now there may be just as many reasons for why you should quit. If your job is making you ill, creating high anxiety or if you are in a situation that is toxic or abusive, if your instinct is telling you to leave, then sit down at your desk and write that letter today.

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Karen Sargent

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Karen Sargent
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Last Updated on April 6, 2020

How to Make a Career Change at 50 for Great Opportunities

Lifelong entrepreneur and business owner helping others to realize the American Dream of business ownership Read full profile

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Turning 50 is a milestone in anyone’s life, after all you are half way to 100! But seriously, turning 50 is often a time in life when people can sit back and take a look at where they’ve been and contemplate what the future holds.

Can you change careers at 50? It’s not uncommon for people in their 50’s to consider a career change, after all if you’ve spent 20 to 30 years in a career, chances are that some of the bloom is off the rose.

Often, when we are starting out in our 20’s, we choose a career path based on factors that are no longer relevant to us in our 50’s. Things like our parents’ expectations, a fast paced exciting lifestyle or the lure of making a lot of money can all be motivating factors in our 20’s.

But in our 50’s, those have given way to other priorities. Things like the desire to spend more time with family and friends, a slower paced less stressful lifestyle, the need to care for a sick spouse or elderly parents can all contribute to wanting a career change in your 50’s.

Just like any big life changing event, changing careers is scary. The good news is that just like most things we are scared of, the fear is mostly in our own head.

Understanding how to go about a career change at 50 and what you can expect should help reduce the anxiety and fear of the unknown.

Table of Contents

What are Your Goals for a Career Change?

As in any endeavor, having properly defined goals will help you to determine the best path to take.

What are you looking for in a new career? Choosing a slower less stressful position that gives you more time with family and friends may sound ideal, but you’ll often find that you’re giving up some income and job satisfaction in the process.

Conversely, if your goal is to quit a job that is sucking the life from your soul to pursue a lifelong passion. You might be trading quality time with family and friends for job satisfaction.

Neither decision is wrong or bad, you just need to be aware of the potential pitfalls of any decision you make.

Types of Career Changes at 50+

There are four main types of career changes that people make in their 50’s. Each type has it’s unique set of challenges and will very in the degree of preparation required to make the change.

Industry Career Change

In this career change, a person remains in the same field but switches industries.

With an industry change, a person takes their set of skills and applies them to an industry that they have no previous experience in.

An example would be a salesperson in the oil and gas industry becoming a salesperson for a media (advertising) company. They are taking their skill set (selling) and applying it to a different industry (media).

This type of career change is best accomplished by doing a lot of homework on the industry you want to get into as well as networking within the industry.

Functional Career Change

A functional career change would be a change of careers within the same industry.

For example, an accountant at a pharmaceutical company who changes careers to become a human resources manager. It may or may not be with the same company, but they remain within the pharmaceutical industry. In this case, they are leaving one set of skills behind (accounting) to develop a new set (human resource) within the same industry.

In a functional career change, new or additional training as well as certifications may be required in order to make the switch. If you are considering a functional career change, you can start by getting any training or certifications needed either online, through trade associations or at your local community college.

Double Career Change

This is the most challenging career change of all. A person doing a double career change is switching both a career and an industry.

An example of a double change would be an airline pilot quitting to pursue their dream of producing rock music. In that case, they are leaving both the aviation industry and a specific skill set (piloting) for a completely unrelated industry and career.

When considering a double career change, start preparing by getting any needed training or certifications first. Then you can get your foot in the door by taking an apprenticeship or part time job.

With a double change, it’s not uncommon to have to start out at the bottom as you are asking an employer to take a chance on someone without any experience or work history in the industry.

Entrepreneurial Career Change

Probably one of the most common career changes made by people in their 50’s is the entrepreneurial career change.

After 20 to 30 years of working for “Corporate America”, a lot of people become disillusioned with the monotony, politics and inefficiency of the corporate world. Many of us dream of having our own business and being our own boss.

By this time in our life, we have saved some money and the financial pressures we had with young children have passed; so it’s a perfect time to spread our entrepreneurial wings.

Entrepreneurial career changes can be within the same industry and using your existing knowledge and contacts to start a similar business competing within the same industry. Or it can be completely unrelated to your former industry and based on personal interests, passions or hobbies.

A good example would be someone who played golf as a hobby starting an affiliate marketing website selling golf clubs. If you are considering an entrepreneurial career change, there are a lot of very good free resources available on the internet. Just be sure to do your homework.

Practical Tips on Making a Career Change at 50+

So you’ve decided to take the plunge and make a career switch in your 50’s. No matter what your reasons or what type of a career change you are embarking on, here are some helpful hints to make the transition easier:

1. Deal with the Fear

As stated earlier, any big life change comes with both fear and anxiety. Things never seem to go as smoothly as planned, you will always have bumps and roadblocks along the way. By recognizing this and even planning for it, you are less likely to let these issues derail your progress.

If you find yourself becoming discouraged by all of the stumbling blocks, there are always resources to help. Contacting a career coach is a good place to start, they can help you with an overall strategy for your career change as well as the interview and hiring process, resume writing / updating and more. Just Google “Career Coach” for your options.

I also recommend using the services of a professional counselor or therapist to help deal with the stress and anxiety of this major life event.

It’s always good to have an unbiased third party to help you work through the problems that inevitably arise.

2. Know Your “Why”

It’s important that you have a clear understanding of the “why” you are making this career change. Is it to have more free time, reduce stress, follow a passion or be your own boss?

Having a clear understanding of you personal “why” will influence every decision in this process. Knowing your “why” and keeping it in mind also serves as a motivator to help you reach your goals.

3. Be Realistic

Take an inventory of both your strengths and weaknesses. Are your organizational skills less than stellar? Then, becoming a wedding planner is probably not a good idea.

This is an area where having honest outside input can be really helpful. Most of us are not very good at accurately assessing our abilities. It’s a universal human trait to exaggerate our abilities while diminishing our weaknesses.

Requesting honest feedback from friends and co-workers is a good place to start, but this is another area where a career coach can come in handy.

4. Consider an Ad-Vocation

Sometimes, making a career change all at once is just too big of a change. Issues like a severely reduced income, geography and lack of benefits can all be impediments to your career change. In those cases, you may want to start your new career as an ad-vocation.

An ad-vocation is a second or ad-on vocation in addition to your primary vocation. Things like a part-time job, consulting or even a side business can all be ad-vocations.

The benefit of having an ad-vocation is being able to build experience a reputation and contacts in the new field while maintaining all the benefits of your current job.

5. Update Your Skills

Whether it means acquiring new certifications or going back to school to get your cosmetology licence, having the right training is the foundation for a successful career change.

The great thing about changing careers now is that almost any training or certifications needed can be free or at very little cost online. Check with trade associations, industry websites and discussion groups for any requirements you may need.

6. Start Re-Branding Yourself Now

Use the internet and social media to change the way you present yourself online.

Changing your LinkedIn profile is a good way to show prospective employers that you are serious about a career change.

Joining Facebook groups, trade associations and discussion boards as well as attending conventions is a great way to start building a network while you learn.

7. Overhaul Your Resume

Most of us have heard the advice to update our resume every six months, and most of us promptly ignore that advice and only update our resume when we need it.

When making a career change, updating is not enough; this calls for a complete overhaul of your resume. Chances are that your current resume was designed around your old career which may or may not apply to your new goals.

Crafting a new resume emphasizing your strengths for the new position your looking for is key. There are many places that will help you craft a resume online and it is a service included with most career coaching services.

8. Know Your Timeline

There are a lot of factors when it comes to how long it will take to make the career change.

Industry and Functional career changes tend to be the easiest to do and therefore can be accomplished in the shortest period of time. While the Double Career Change and the Entrepreneurial Career Change both require more effort and thus time.

There are also personal factors involved in the time it will take to switch careers.

Generally speaking the more you are willing to be flexible with both compensation and geography, the shorter time it will take to make the switch.

Final Thoughts

Changing careers at anytime can be stressful, but for those of us who are 50 or above, it can seem to be an overwhelming task fraught with pitfalls and self doubt.

Prospective employers know the benefits that come with more mature employees. Things like a wealth of experience, a proven work history and deeper understanding of corporate culture are all things that older workers bring to the table.

And while the younger generation may possess better computer or technical skills than us, if you’re willing to learn, there are a ton of free or nearly free resources available to you.

Deciding on a career change at 50 is a great way to experience life on your own terms.

Five reasons why you shouldn’t trust movie critics

It’s easy to get frustrated by overpriced snacks and inflated ticket prices, but even in today’s world, people still love to go to the movies.

Historically, movie-goers have depended on movie critics to tell them which films they ought to be spending their hard-earned money on.

Critical buzz is a big deal when it comes to generating box office sales, even when the movie’s entertainment value is clearly what’s important.

And many in the movie business wonder if newspaper, magazine, and internet critics have more power than they deserve.

But here are some of the top reasons why you should think twice before you base your desire to see a movie on how many gold stars it gets.

1 Critics don’t always appreciate genres

Certain critics will give negative reviews to a musical because there’s too much singing, or to a fantasy film because there are elves.

Everyone has their favorite genres of movies, even critics, but many of them fail to recognize that no single genre is universally bad.

Sure, there are many more terrible romantic comedies than good ones, especially these days. But that doesn’t mean that a new romantic comedy is automatically bad, or that it’s bad because the person writing the review doesn’t like romantic comedies.

The same goes for slapstick comedies, horror flicks, or children’s movies – critics often don’t acknowledge that a film can be quality material even if they’re not the intended audience.

2 They’re cynical

Good films are about more than intellectualism, and entertainment isn’t a bad word, like some critics would have you believe.

But the problem with critics is sometimes worse than that, because they can look down on a film simply for striving to evoke an emotional reaction in the audience.

In the old days, it was a good thing if a movie could make you laugh, cry, and feel inspired in some way. Now those kinds of films are easily labeled maudlin, sentimental, or manipulative.

Movie critics want to be aloof, and they will rarely admit to being moved by something unless it errs on the pretentious side to begin with.

3 They often jump on the bandwagon

You might begin to notice an Emperor’s New Clothes syndrome happening with reviews these days, where critics can be afraid to give a positive review to a movie that everyone else sees as bad.

And the opposite is also true – many movies that get a lot of Oscar buzz benefit from the fact that a few key critics decided they were great films, so everyone else was predisposed to like them.

A strong general consensus on a movie can mean nothing. It’s strange, but sometimes the world of people who write movie reviews is like a high school. Nobody wants to be the one to break from the crowd.

4 They’re notoriously lazy

How many times have you read a review of a movie you’ve seen and it seems like the person who wrote it didn’t even watch the movie?

This can be especially true with more seasoned critics. After a while, they’ve seen so many movies and are so familiar with what Hollywood releases that they know whether they’re going to like a movie before they walk into the theater.

It’s usually obvious when they didn’t pay enough attention to give a movie the chance to disprove a critic’s preconceived notions.

5 They often lack credibility

Think about what the internet has done to movie critics. These days, anyone can be a critic, and if you have a blog that looks somewhat professional, you can be taken seriously.

Why should you listen to the hundreds and hundreds of people with opinions online?

Gone are the days when critics studied film theory and wrote analytical pieces for newspapers and magazines.

The best of the old-fashioned critics are getting old and out of touch, or have long passed that stage.

Quite a few of the new ones know less about movies than you do, they just happen to have found a venue for their thoughts. They also have an audience that didn’t exist ten years ago.

Movie critics, in summary…

The art of film criticism has existed for over a century, and there are plenty of positive things about it.

Historically, critics shed light on wonderful, quality films that might not have the mass-market appeal of a big blockbuster or enough studio support behind them to get them noticed.

And a little movie snobbery actually isn’t a bad thing.

You probably know people who insist that they don’t listen to critics, and maybe you’re one of those yourself, but educated film theorists have helped set the standards for storytelling in the industry for years.

Still, even the staunchest defenders of critics will tell you that some of them get it wrong in big ways. Are movie reviews and the critics who write them fundamentally flawed? Probably.

But most people will still read them, hopefully with the grain of salt they deserve.

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